Welcome to ‘Ask The Retro Housewife’! This weeks question:
I have a question. I had a conversation with someone the other day and we have not had contact in 25 years. We had worked together many years ago and this person is still in the career where we knew each other from and I left the workforce when my husband and I married 7 years ago. I am happy with my decision, but my old co-worker was shocked, non-supportive, and turned belligerent. I jaw dropped with the reaction I received. So, my question is…how do you handle the ‘put downs’, the people who want to make you feel like you ‘gave up’? How do you respond to this type of person?
I am so, so happy you asked this question and brought this topic up. As housewives, this is unfortunately something we all have, had, or will, deal with at some point. It’s no secret that things have changed drastically for women over the past 50 years, with one of the major ones being women going into the workforce. The views on women that stayed at home changed drastically as well. Suddenly, they were looked down upon instead of cherished.
Sadly, this attitude continues in our modern day and age, and honestly seems to be worse than ever. I have dealt with this from some of the people closest to me. And there’s no doubt about it, it can be very hurtful. Society has made people believe that housewives are lazy, suppressed, unhappy, unfulfilled, etc. We’re wasting our lives away and should get a “real job”. Obviously, all of these things are untrue. You cannot change what someone thinks. If someone has their mind made up, or perhaps this is what they witnessed with their own mother or grandmother, that is going to be their opinion. If someone has a feminist mindset, nothing you can say or do is going to make them think that being a housewife is a “real job”. It’s sad, but true.
I’ve learned that the most important thing is that I am confident in myself. Of course, this is not always easy, but if I am confident in my role as a homemaker, another person’s negative opinion isn’t going to effect me. I know that what I do is so fulfilling. I am there everyday for my family. They never have to worry if mom is going to be home to make dinner. I know I am loved and appreciated.
I’ve also learned that some women truly are not meant to be homemakers. It’s just not in their DNA. Staying home and taking care of all the domestic duties would be torture to them. These women most of all cannot understand our viewpoint, just as we may not understand theirs. You must agree to disagree. Some people, unfortunately, don’t seem to have a filter between their brain and their mouth, and don’t know how to disagree politely. It is most important you do not take it personally.
Proverbs 15:1 – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
I usually respond to someone’s negative comment by saying something like:
“I understand you may have a different opinion, but this is what works best for our family”
“Being a homemaker isn’t for everyone, but to me it’s the best job in the world”
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It is unfortunately a much too common response to being a housewife. I can only hope and pray that eventually this terrible stigma will go away. Until then, be strong and be confident in what you do. Don’t let others try to tear you down or make you doubt yourself!